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After my fifth cancer scare in three years, to say I was feeling a little like Job was an understatement. Four different types of cancer and precancerous lumps turned up in rapid succession. One of the cancers, melanoma, visited twice—and yet will I hope in Him. Charles Ellicott’s Bible commentary calls the sentiments in Job 13:15 an “expression of living trust.”* I think that is why this verse resonates so much with me.
To me, living trust, living hope, signifies perpetual motion.
An “expression of living trust” in our good God is not something I say once and forget. It is something I express again and again, daily, sometimes hourly, as each new wave of fear and uncertainty threatens to engulf me.
Chemotherapy and surgery, and yet will I hope in Him.
Radiation treatment and immunotherapy, and yet will I hope in Him. Anticancer tablets and their side effects for the next decade, and yet will I hope in Him.
So how did Job get to a place of “and yet”? How can I? Like Job, I learned to be careful whom I surrounded myself with during cancer treatment.
I tried not to spend time with people who judged my choices or scolded me for taking—or not taking—this or that treatment. When my mind’s natural tendency was toward catastrophic thinking, I memorized Bible verses or listened to quieting music.
A friend encouraged me to read a psalm a day, and often, the psalm perfectly captured my mood—foul or fair. It was as if the psalmist were in my head! I tried to take care of myself—body, mind, and spirit. I would rise early and walk for an hour.
I avoided doomscrolling on my devices and switched off the twenty-four-hour news cycle. I fed my mind with good books and filled my spare time with uplifting activities and journaling. Like Job, the more I reflected on God’s character, the more I learned to trust that He had a deeper purpose in my difficulties. While I wait to see that unfold, I trust Him to keep me in His grace. “Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance” (verse 16, NIV).
“I will wait for my renewal to come” ( Job 14:14, NIV). Yes, this is hard, and yet will I hope in Him.
Denise Murray-Goods
* Stanley Leathes, “Job,” in A Bible Commentary for English Readers, ed. Charles John Ellicott (London: Cassell, 1897), s.v. “Job 13:15.”