Can I Forgive Myself?

A friend told me of the night terrors his deceased wife had on occasion. She would wake up panicked that she was going to hell because she had an abortion as a teenager. It broke my heart that in her Christian walk, she never fully understood the love of Christ and the depth of His understanding and forgiveness. I assured my friend that Jesus loves us, He knows our troubles, and He understands the powers and principalities we are fighting, and if we repent and ask for forgiveness, He always forgives us.

Assuredly, she was forgiven, but did she ever forgive herself? As I heard myself reassuring my friend, a still, small Voice said, “What about you? What about the things in your life that you have not forgiven yourself for?” That caught me by surprise.

I did not expect that. But through counseling another, I realized that I also need to forgive myself and fully accept the forgiveness offered by Christ.

It is one thing to know that God forgives you; it is another to turn that burden over to Christ and finally forgive yourself. When I realized I had been withholding forgiveness from myself and let it go, I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders.

How I wished my friend’s wife had been able to experience that before her death. I am so thankful for a God who loves us enough to carry our burdens and cast our sin “into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19, KJV). Our God is the Source of all mercy.

His name is “merciful and gracious” (Exodus 34:6, ESV).

He does not treat us according to what we deserve. “He does not ask if we are worthy of His love, but He pours upon us the riches of His love, to make us worthy. He is not vindictive. He seeks not to punish, but to redeem. Even the severity which He manifests through His providences is manifested for the salvation of the wayward. He yearns with intense desire to relieve the woes of men and to apply His balsam to their wounds.”* Is there something for which you need to forgive yourself? Bring it to the Savior, and lay it at His feet.

It is a needless load, too heavy to bear. I pray we allow Jesus to tend our wounds.

Jo Shuck

* Ellen G. White, Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing (Mountain View, CA, Pacific Press®, 1956), 22.