Remembering
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What was that question that I was about to ask? I wondered.
I could not remember but made a mental note to ask my daughter. Perhaps she would remember. Two days later, I still had not seen my daughter, but I remembered I had wanted to ask her something. But what was it? I asked my husband, but he could not remember either. This made me fearful. Why can’t I remember things like I used to? My mind played out various scenarios, none of them good. Would I end up in a facility, not knowing anyone, not even my dear children, grandchildren, or even my great-grandchildren, just as my parents and in-laws had? The fear became entrenched. What can I do? Who will take care of me? This great fear is one that seems to happen to many people as they grow older.
The questions! Can I forestall this loss-of-memory problem? Can I will my brain to perform better, or will I slowly become so forgetful that I do not even remember that I am forgetting? Then I asked myself, Can I, like Paul, take pleasure in my infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake? Am I able to do that now? Do I have the faith necessary to carry me through these aged years? In 2 Corinthians 12:10, we read Paul’s words, “When I am weak, then am I strong” (KJV).
I feel very weak now. Does that mean that I am strong? I have no answers. At this time, the doctors, philosophers, and ministers have no answers either.
There are pills that can be used to help, but how will I know when that will become necessary? Lord, I cannot do this on my own. Only God can step in, calm my fears, and help me lead the life He has chosen for me. Lord, help me realize that Your grace is sufficient for me and that Your strength is made perfect in weakness, just as You promised.
And that will be enough for me.
Avonda White-Krause
