My Story—Part 2
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Every week I attended church, even though the fear and hatred inside remained constant companions. Each day was a struggle.
I had no hope for the future, making my life a mere existence. At work there was a person who did not understand why those in my church were not praying for me to be delivered. She would ask me if I was saved. This became torturous in its own way. I could not answer yes to her question because I had no confidence I was saved, and I could not answer no either because that would reflect a failure on my part. I wanted relief but did not want God. Yet I still went to church. Through this awful time God put a special man in my life—someone I met at church. This man listened to all my troubles. I needed a friend, someone who would consistently be there for me, and he became that friend. After three years he asked me to marry him. Marriage was far from my mind. Months went by, and he asked me again.
This time I said yes. God had a plan and a future for me, even though I did not have one for myself. The Lord blessed us with three children.
This gave me another purpose to live. My children needed me, so I could not give up. My mind took years and years to heal. The cursing, hate, and fear that were once inside me have now subsided. Now I can feel love and compassion in my heart.
I can pray to God with trust and hope.
This change did not happen quickly but has taken a lifetime. Each day the Lord has given me has been a gift to help in the healing process. If you are struggling with pain inside and feel like you are not making it and are unsure things will change for the better, please know that God has graciously given you this day to let you know He does care and is working on your behalf. God is the Lord of time. He works through time to help us and to bring us to the place where we can say, “Yes, Lord, You love me. You always have and always will. And yes, Lord, I love You too.” Amen for His faithfulness. Where would we be without it?
Rosemarie Clardy
