God Has Me

His face was beautiful, and he wore the most peaceful expression.

There was even the hint of a smile.

He was no longer in pain, and God had given him peace.

For that, I felt so grateful—but oh! How my world collapsed with his death. Inside, I screamed, No, Lord! Please! No! I was left heartbroken and felt totally devastated.

The journey of grief has been the hardest, most gut-wrenching experience of my life. There are still no words. I literally could not comprehend the rest of my life without my beloved by my side. He was the love of my life, my best friend, and my husband for the past twenty-five years. We had been blessed with a special relationship.

We knew God had brought us together.

Now half of me was gone. Daily I ask God to give me His comfort, peace, and strength. As a parent does a toddler who stumbles while learning to walk, God picks me up as I try to move forward. God’s Word gives me hope. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4, NIV). Though we may not see or feel Him at times because we are in such pain, as time passes, we will recognize the blessings He gives—even through our loss.

Two days before he passed away, Steven told me he had been up all night talking to God. His face was filled with joy, and he said, “Honey, He has me. God has me.” God had given him that assurance. He knew God was in total control.

I was not ready; even the nurses and doctor felt he had more time, but God knew otherwise and gave him peace, and his sweet face showed it.

Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you” (NIV).

During our grief, when we feel we are sinking, God carries us to shore and helps us learn how to live again. It is a slow, lifelong process, but we can begin.

I am so thankful for a God who loves us so much that He came to earth, died on the cross, and was resurrected so that one day we can live for eternity with Him, reunited with our loved ones. I hold on daily to God’s wonderful promises—and you can too.

Thank You, Lord.

Jean Dozier Davey