Living in Crisis Mode

The number 975,000 stared at me from the electronic till at the grocery store checkout. I stared back and then defeatedly opened my purse and started to count out ten crisp new LBP100,000 (Lebanese pound) bills—approximately US$650.

My purse felt a lot slimmer than it had been when I started out.

I had just paid a third of my month’s local currency salary to buy a week’s worth of groceries. Nothing fancy, just a tray of eggs, white cheese, bread, olives, fruits, veggies, and a few more essential items. I had put back the tin of corn and the avocadoes.

Maybe next week there would be room in the grocery budget for those treats. It had been a difficult two and a half years, and it was not getting easier.

My grocery bill had multiplied ten times.

Banks were closed for weeks on end while ATMs ran out of money.

After sitting in line at the gas station for five hours, I was told, “Sorry, we are out of gas for today.” Bread was rationed to two bags per family and was available only in the mornings. Garbage lined the streets, collecting around overflowing green metal bins.

Some days I would leave my house and have to talk myself through the next step: “Drive to the gas station; tell the attendant you want to fill up the tank; do not think about how much it will cost.” If I did not talk myself through each step, I would freeze in panic mode, whether driving or standing in the cereal aisle. Well-meaning people quoted Bible verses to me about trials and tribulations. I sat in a Sabbath School class during my much-needed furlough to the USA and heard someone say that God gave us good days and bad days. And my soul cried.

In the middle of living through one of the worst economic meltdowns1 in 150 years, I did not need to hear about a God who gave me trials to see if I could come out “shining as silver.” What I needed to hear, whom I needed to see and feel in a very tangible way, was a God who cared. A God who reached down and held me close.

I needed to know that God was good and that He loved me.

Then, I would be able to manage all the difficulties that came along because I would know—God had carried me all along. “He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart” (Isaiah 40:11, NIV).

Thank You, thank You, God!

Maria Shajiei