When Promises Must Be Broken

Many years ago, I promised my mom I would always be there for her once she grew old. I would always keep her with me and would never place her in a nursing home.

I do not know why it never occurred to me that mom might eventually reach a stage where I would not be able to keep my promise.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think she would get a disease I would not be able to help her with. I found out there is at least one that would break us.

It is called dementia, and the accompanying hallucinations are horrible. Mom and I were best friends. Then I started to notice a change in her personality.

She would start out fussing at me for what seemed like nothing.

Then she began to think I had done something that I had not done.

I took her to a neurologist, and he said it was normal for the elderly to be forgetful. He gave me a prescription to help her memory but never once told me she had dementia.

Later, I took her back, and they ran further tests and said everything looked normal for an eighty-five-year-old woman. Then one day, you wake up and wonder who this person is you once knew so well. Nothing made sense anymore.

When our dog Angel passed away, it was like a light switch turned off.

Mom became angry and cried all the time.

Angel had become her life after her husband died.

The hallucinations became more frequent.

It was heartbreaking. She accused me of doing the most horrible things, and nothing I said would calm her down. The mother I knew and loved now wanted nothing to do with me. How do you deal with that? One day she fell and had to go to the hospital by ambulance. I thought it would be good to have her anointed. It was a beautiful service, and I felt at peace, but mom kept having those awful hallucinations and said I was the worst person in her life. It was difficult to accept I could no longer take care of her and would have to break my promise.

My heartfelt prayer is that she can feel God’s loving arms around her and that she feels safe. Friends, our God is faithful. Do not be discouraged.

We can safely leave all things in His hands.

Cathy Payne