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Verse:If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. —James 1:5, ESV
A few weeks ago, I told my mom we had decided to put down our cat, Princess Margaret. I listed all the reasons why we thought it was time.
She said, “Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Because Dad and I talked two months ago, and we thought it was time then.” Princess Margaret’s pain and discomfort were evident, but my emotions kept getting in the way of what I knew needed to happen. Since initially making this decision, I struggled with guilt because behind the sadness, I was kind of happy. I was happy because I wouldn’t have to deal with her missing the litterbox anymore, and there would be no more stuffing a pill down her throat —which she and I both hated. I was happy we wouldn’t have midnight howling sessions or need to take her when we moved because it would have been hard on her and us.
A woman I know lost her husband a few months ago.
He had severe dementia, and she kept him home even though she had difficult medical problems. When he passed away, I remember her struggling with guilt and wondered why. Although a pet is nowhere near the same as a spouse, I now have some glimmer of the guilt she went through. Guilt about her own happiness and relief that someone she had taken care of for a long time, who made her life more difficult even though she loved him, was now gone. The relief, the freedom... the guilt.
“The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9, ESV).
Our hearts muddy the waters regarding hard choices and emotions. If you have ever struggled with guilt over the barrage of feelings you have about a loved one passing away or a pet needing to be put down, let me reassure you that you are not alone! You loved that person or pet to the end, even if your thoughts were not always loving, even if you grieved the loss and felt relief. As humans, we have complex emotions.
It is not wrong to have mixed feelings.
Ask God to help you through troubled times, and He will.
He may not change the situation, but He will walk with you and give you wisdom. All you need to do is ask!
Deidre A. Jones