Yearning for Yesterday

Yesterday is my best friend. Sometimes I want so much to go back that I’m paralyzed and unable to go forward. Many times my present is so filled with remorse and guilt that I wish I could return to yesterday and drop the many mistakes or callous choices I made. One of the shameful decisions I made was to write to a new colleague, explaining to him the importance of politeness. We had an encounter that upset me a bit, and of course, since I was perturbed, I thought he naturally would be too.

As the time came for us to work together, I wanted to be proactive and tell him exactly how to behave —even how to greet me.

I would not be ignored. You see, sometimes the enemy uses the very gifts that make me special to make me silly. I love people.

I am intuitive and observant, and I can uncover sadness and needs and turn them into solutions. And l like to write. In this situation, the devil used those gifts to help me “see” that my new colleague did not greet me and “hear” disdain when he finally spoke to me. I put all my gifts together and blasted him an email.

Soon he responded, completely stunned! He vaguely remembered the incident I shared with him, but he really did not connect me to that incident.

Then he amazed me: as we worked together, he promised I could count on him to help me succeed in my work and do me no harm.

He was gracious and kind but very shocked.

I obsessed over my misstep the rest of the day and woke up the next morning, burdened and bothered by my behavior. I wanted to go back to yesterday at the point where I could have thought better about things. Reason. Pray.

Focus on Christ instead of myself.

But I could not. Sin is a deadly disease, and it brings so much misery. This was not the first time I wished I could change the past.

But God has not called me to do that.

He bids me go and sin no more. God gives me a pass for my yesterdays and provides grace for my tomorrows. My Christian walk is fraught with faults, but, like my colleague, God has promised me that He will do me no harm.

If I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive my sins and cleanse me from all my unrighteousness (see 1 John 1:9).

Sisters, the longing for yesterday is futile.

You can’t change the past, but God can usher your bitter dusk into bright dawn. All you need is to admit, apologize, and accept His forgiveness —just for today.

Rose Joseph Thomas