Male and Female He Created Them

The Bible tells us that God created mankind in His likeness, and mankind included males and females. I read this verse to mean that both males and females can reveal aspects of God’s character. If this is so, it’s reasonable to believe that human relationships that embrace, accept, and employ both masculine and feminine traits will be the most successful. In my field of research, composition studies, different forms of writing have, at times, been gendered either “male” or “female.” In the eighties, for instance, personal writing styles —sometimes gendered “female” writing styles— suffered attacks of being anti-intellectual and antagonistic to academic writing.

Since then, however, both male and female scholars have defended personal writing, arguing that it is the logical counterpart to more traditional, more “male” forms of writing. Scholars of rhetoric and composition have also suggested that listening to opponents (and finding areas of agreement) is just as important as constructing an argument. In short, my profession has recognized that a blended style of communication —a “masculine” and “feminine” style, you might say— brings the best results. I can’t tell you how often I’ve applied these concepts to my marriage.

My hubby is a “typical male” in that he is logical, facts-driven, and blunt—whereas I might be called a “typical female” based on my big emotions and frequent need to express them. So we have been working hard to accept and embrace one another’s communication styles. While I am trying to respect his need for clear, “bullet-point” communication, he is trying to appreciate that sometimes I simply need to express without being “fixed.” Indeed, I have observed that when we embrace and employ both male and female styles in our communication, we both win. If your communication skills could use a tune-up, I encourage you to pay attention to your words —as well as your silences.

Do you communicate your needs clearly, and do you also really listen to the needs of others? If you take a balanced approach, prioritizing both listening and speaking, both expressing your emotions and arguing your points clearly, you will be on the path to successful communication —because balanced communication is godly.

Lindsey Gendke