What If I Had Asked?

Death affects us all. Sometimes it comes through illness; sometimes it is due to an accident. Death can be expected, but sometimes it arrives suddenly.

However we experience it, the questions arise: What will I do with the time that I have left? How will I impact the lives of those around me? How can I be a blessing or a safe place for those I meet or know intimately? I have been thinking about this a lot.

Several years ago the school where I teach had our biannual sports day, which kept us busy all day. At one point I interacted with one of my colleagues as she moved around the sports field. I could tell that her mind was preoccupied.

She looked sad, which was a far cry from her normal demeanor. I felt impressed to ask her if she was OK, but it was neither the time nor the place.

I told myself I would talk to her the next day.

The next day she was not at work, and we assumed it was because she was exhausted. The following morning I awoke at four thirty to several missed calls. I called back and received news that forever changed my view of the world.

Our colleague had been found murdered, along with her eldest daughter and two others. Disbelief, shock, and sorrow washed over me.

Anger came next. Later I would experience fear as a woman living in a world where women are often seen as expendable. Our staff room struggled to process the loss, tormented by the death of our fellow teacher. Later that same week two more women were killed in domestic violence disputes. But I was haunted by the loss of my colleague because I will forever wonder, What if I had spoken to her? Would it have made a difference? As women many of us live in unsafe situations. Some of us hide it so well that we fool those around us into thinking everything is all right. God has given us eyes to see and a heart to discern—if we would just look. We are our sisters’ keepers. If we see any warning signs, let us not assume everything is well just because we see a smile. It takes so little to genuinely ask, “Are you OK?” If you know someone or if you are someone who needs a safe place—please reach out.

There are resources available.

May none of us experience the pain of having to question, “What if I had asked?”

Greta Michelle Joachim-Fox-Dyett