Who Am I?

I had worked as a board - certified chaplain for ten years . For eight of those years , I was the department director of a chaplaincy department ; then , my family felt a call to move .

I searched high and low for work in my field . I did on - call work a couple of weekends a month and found other miscellaneous short - term jobs for two years . Yet my heart was set on a chaplaincy position . My identity was wrapped up in it . I loved the ministry , I loved the people I met , and I loved feeling like my work mattered . But opportunities just were not to be found .

I prayed , begging God to open the door for me . I did my best to trust Him . I had great support from my husband and friends . But most days , I was home , caring for grandchildren or cleaning the house — and feeling sorry for myself . I didn’t understand what God was doing . He had opened the original doors into chaplaincy in an amazing way .

One day I visited my former chaplaincy training supervisor . I told him what was or wasn’t going on and explained my frustrations and feelings of loss .

Instead of being sympathetic , which I had expected , he asked me a crucial question : “ Who are you , and is your identity only in being a chaplain ? ”

It seemed he was sending me down a rabbit trail . After all , I was a chaplain , wasn’t I ? Didn’t God call me to this work for Him ? To say I prayed a lot about these questions to gain insight would be an understatement . Somehow , I couldn’t seem to get water from a stone .

One morning in the shower , a children’s song came to me that went something like this : “ Who am I ? Someone special to Jesus . ” That was it !

That was my identity ! Of course , I am Jesus ’ child and totally special to Him . Right after this realization , I recalled answers from my childhood Bible study questions . I remembered that I am a child of God , one of heaven’s heirs , and a temple of the Holy Spirit . My heavenly Father loves me . Who could ever find a more precious and perfect identity than that ? Amazingly , a week after God gave me these precious insights , I received a call to full - time chaplaincy work . God had just needed me to be clear , first , about who I was !

Carolyn J . H . Strzyzykowski