I Yelled at God Today

Close your eyes, bow your head, and fold your hands,” my first Sabbath School teacher instructed. “This is how we pray to our King.” Being the tomboy I was, I didn’t have much poise like the girls kneeling beside me.

My attention span usually lasted two-tenths of a second before I would either be back to laughing hysterically or planning something mischievous to eliminate my boredom. I definitely didn’t filter my thoughts before speaking.

Yet, somehow, I was trained to pray reverently with the rest of my class. But this manner of prayer did not suit me. I would kneel down in my church dress with my ankles crossed on Sabbath, then resume praying to God my way the rest of the week. Our conversations have always been different from what is normally portrayed in a church setting. I prefer talking to Him while panting on an afternoon run, whispering while sitting by a stream, or shouting from the top of a mountain. This is a less talked-about version of prayer. Job prayed while sitting among ashes in his despair (Job 2:8).

Jacob wrestled with God and wouldn’t let go until He blessed him (Genesis 32:24–26). David fasted and lay on the ground, pleading with God for his child (2 Samuel 12:16). So why are we afraid we’re going to offend God by praying passionately? He is our King and deserves the utmost respect, but He also desires a raw relationship with each of us. I yelled at God today out of hurt. My relationship with Him is not formal; it’s real. I’m allowed to be upset or have some needed space to calm down, just as in any other relationship. What makes the difference is how God responds.

He doesn’t walk away because He’s tired of waiting for me. God doesn’t move on to the next relationship and leave me in the dust.

He waits patiently and is ready to strengthen our connection. This is why I know I can talk to my God without polishing my prayers.

He hears me and chooses to stay.

He listens to your prayers as well —no matter the delivery.

Delanie Kamarad